There is certainly no doubt our perception of how a relationship should be, is heavily influenced by how we see other people's relationships work. How our parents acted, or act towards each other, our own past intimate relationships, and the media can also affect our view. But there are several other sources that affect our perception too...
Other couples.
We see so many couples amongst our family and friends, and out in public. They are so attentive to each other, finishing each other's sentences, sampling the other person's food, fawning all over one another, and "dripping sweet" so much you can almost see the love oozing out of their pores. Some of us are encouraged by these couples: others are nauseated. But they exist, and they help to influence us in how we think a relationship should be.
But not everyone gets along with their partner in the same way as these couples appear to. Personalities often conflict with one another. One personality can be somewhat abrasive at times. People experience different degrees of patience. Their sense of humor may vary, or not exist at all. Plus, their backgrounds will not be exactly the same. Finances can differ. There may not have ever been any negative stigma attached to the relationships they were exposed to. For their particular situation, things could have always been rosy for them and every other couple they have ever encountered.
It's not realistic to base your relationship on someone else's. You don't know all of the factors the other couple has in their life. For all you know, they could fight like "cats and dogs" when no one else is around. When couples are in public, they usually put on their best persona. Catch them in private and the relationship could be radically different. You can focus on their good qualities, but that isn't necessarily their only qualities.
Your friends. This is a tough one because people usually like to give other people advice; the benefit of their experiences. But when you accept advice from a friend, you really have to consider the source. Are they in a stable, healthy relationship (notice that we didn't just ask if they were in a relationship). Do they change relationships almost as frequently as they change clothes?
You need to be careful who you take relationship advice from. You would never take relationship advice from someone who isn't in a healthy, long-lasting and happy relationship... just like you wouldn't take money advice from someone who is broke. Instead, look for the happily married couples and ask them for their guidance and advice.
Learn about yourself... what makes you the way you are? Are destructive emotions at the heart of any problems you are experiencing with your relationship. If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs about how relationships work?
Other couples.
We see so many couples amongst our family and friends, and out in public. They are so attentive to each other, finishing each other's sentences, sampling the other person's food, fawning all over one another, and "dripping sweet" so much you can almost see the love oozing out of their pores. Some of us are encouraged by these couples: others are nauseated. But they exist, and they help to influence us in how we think a relationship should be.
But not everyone gets along with their partner in the same way as these couples appear to. Personalities often conflict with one another. One personality can be somewhat abrasive at times. People experience different degrees of patience. Their sense of humor may vary, or not exist at all. Plus, their backgrounds will not be exactly the same. Finances can differ. There may not have ever been any negative stigma attached to the relationships they were exposed to. For their particular situation, things could have always been rosy for them and every other couple they have ever encountered.
It's not realistic to base your relationship on someone else's. You don't know all of the factors the other couple has in their life. For all you know, they could fight like "cats and dogs" when no one else is around. When couples are in public, they usually put on their best persona. Catch them in private and the relationship could be radically different. You can focus on their good qualities, but that isn't necessarily their only qualities.
Your friends. This is a tough one because people usually like to give other people advice; the benefit of their experiences. But when you accept advice from a friend, you really have to consider the source. Are they in a stable, healthy relationship (notice that we didn't just ask if they were in a relationship). Do they change relationships almost as frequently as they change clothes?
You need to be careful who you take relationship advice from. You would never take relationship advice from someone who isn't in a healthy, long-lasting and happy relationship... just like you wouldn't take money advice from someone who is broke. Instead, look for the happily married couples and ask them for their guidance and advice.
Learn about yourself... what makes you the way you are? Are destructive emotions at the heart of any problems you are experiencing with your relationship. If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs about how relationships work?
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